After traveling…

I wasn’t excited about my Korea visit.

Seriously, I wasn’t, at all. I even didn’t make any travel plans of places I wanted go. It just went with… whatever in my mind.

However, it turns out that I actually do love this trip. It was a short visit, but getting to see another country was very fun. Living in China has been a year, and I live, think, and talk like a real Chinese: knowing all the rules of this society; being considerate, cautious, humiliated, gentle and quite…

If I lived in Seoul, then I had to learn about the rules, but as a visitor, I can just be myself. Only for few days, though.

Now I missed those days. Days I don’t have a regular routine, but keep exploring different places, and being recognized as a traveler who came from China.

I guess I loved being a spectator of the country. To witness, the people in the society in person. It’s just… so wonderful.

That’s the point I missed the most about Korea.

 

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Be Anonymous

Workplace, is also a place of soap opera, where dramas happen all the time.

Disgraceful, gossipy, and hypocritical. That’s humanity. So I didn’t expect too much in the beginning, and now even more disappointed. As long as I work in the secular world, it won’t be a better world. That’s why people say, “surviving in the jungle of workplace”. Sometimes I felt I’m stuck in this muddy field, and had no where to go. DESPERATE.

My country, always gives me the worst experience I could ever have. Because only in this culture could reveal myself, the true image of me. Insecure, introvert and clumsy. Wanting to prove something about myself, but always failing. Anything that is opportunistic won’t happen in my life. I’m an ordinary person you’ve ever met. Not pretty, not talented, got nothing but myself.

I guess I’ll keep being anonymous. Keep doing what I think is more important and eternal. Overall, you won’t be immortal by making a 10 million views video.

Ching Ming

April 4th has been like a mind field.

It wasn’t that bad, though. This morning I prayed about it. My parents respect me, but I was still afraid that there’s going to be conflicts.

This is my first Ching Ming festival in a while. And it means A LOT for my father, because I never get to visit my grandma’s tomb after she passed away. My father always thought that I should always be in memory of grandma because she raised me up, and he was mad that I never mentioned visiting her tomb during the summer break.

So…today is the day. I can’t get away from it. The village is still the same village except the kids have grown up. On our way to grandma’s tomb, I knew it’ll be memorial for me since I won’t either burn the fake money or bow down knees. But it meant a lot for dad. He got very emotional, saying that if grandma had anything, tell him in dreams.

My father is not an atheist, for sure.

I was basically standing there and looking at them. It should be me doing all these things. But they didn’t say anything about it.

Then there’s something tearing me up.

I don’t know it is the culture, or the FAITH.

On the one hand, my root is here. No matter how far I go, I can’t forget about the origin of my family. On the other hand, studying abroad experience and the Christian faith are significant in my life, too. I’m no longer same as others in this community.

Did my faith change me as a Chinese?

Did my Chinese-ness change as a Christian?

I think the answer for both are, YES.

 

 

A Perfect Love

“God is love!” Often people say that phrase a lot at church. As Christians, we always tell non-believers that how great God is, and how much He loved us.

“Yeah, I knew what you mean, but, how does God love you?”

One of the non-believer might ask.

And then it hit you.

How? God never showed Himself in a physical way so that He could hug you and pat you like, “Oh, precious Mag. I love you so much. You’ve been good. ”

However, the time we reconciled with God, the intimate relationship has started. Whether you see it or not, God is doing great work in our lives.

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

There’s no doubt that Jesus is the perfect demonstration of God’s love. There’s all wickedness and scheme in our heart. We only deserve eternal death. But God doesn’t want us to be ended with that. He has sent Jesus, the only son, down to the earth, living with sinners, healing them, saving them from death and dreadful lives. That’s God’s love. 

He also walks with us daily and gives sufficient grace for us. Sin makes life hard to deliver, but God will help us in each circumstances. He is either training us, nor calling us to look up on Him. God  is good. And whatever the situation is, God won’t change His characteristic. 

Just wanted to encourage you, myself as well. God is love, and He has the perfect love for you. No matter what happens and how hard the life is currently, He has the perfect plan for our lives.

Reverse Cultural Shock

I could never imagine that the reverse cultural shock could last for couple months. Both physically and spiritually.

After Christmas, I started having sore throat and coughing. The air pollution is quite serious here. Basically people wear masks everyday outside. Shanghai isn’t too bad, but still quite dusty. Back in the summer of 2010, SH was having the EXPO. Factories were shut down because of that. The sky was so clear and blue that I even doubt there was something wrong with my eyes. Since I was born, I barely could such clear sky in my life, until I went to the US.

However, I didn’t know that I couldn’t adjust myself into this environment now. The country had been kind of foreign to me. Something I grown up with, I barely could accept them anymore.

For instance, people don’t respect each other. It’s very normal to be honked either by cars or scooters on the street. Drivers feel like they had the privilege, they would never let pedestrians go first. That made me feel like, I’m not respected. Not even mentioning about the scooter drivers, they pass on the red light every time. They just never feel like they had to stop. It’s strange that in China, drivers are actually afraid of pedestrians because they might fake injuries and let drivers to take the responsibility. On the other hand, pedestrians are afraid of drivers too, because they never stop when they’re making a right turn at the intersection.

Also among kids, they are not respectful too. I grown up in the public school so I knew it well. At school, cool kids are never obedient. You have to be mean to survive in your class, otherwise you will be bullied. My little cousin, who’s fourth grad in elementary school, told me very proudly that one day she was making fun of her classmate and made him crying. I’m sure my uncle and aunt would tell her it’s not right, but the thing is, they would never know. Kids behaved very well in front of their parents and other elders. Behind them, they had their own world that would never let them in. And that’s where’s bullying from. Unfortunately, our education system had been teaching children to be good at academics and exams. I’m not saying that American public schools are better. It’s though to survive too. And I can see how important the Christian education is to the next generation. I had my points for this. Maybe talk about it more next time.

Overall, I’m still in the transition of being a Chinese Christian. And I know it’s all from the Lord. He has sent me here for reasons. It’s all HIS good will. So even I had some hard time, I still trust in HIM.